last night’s dream

a reggae song, “alien dna,” performed by a black woman in a sunday hat, + her girls.

when things aren’t going as planned, consider that the way they are actually going will end up working out better.

last night’s dream

i am breathing the air, + walking barefoot on the sand, of mars.

last night’s dream

i’m on drag race. rupaul is irritated w/ me. 😞

post-9/11

in the ashes of the crashes
i found the gems of who i am
-tom-A-hawk, jr., 2001

recent dream imagery

cutting new tracks through snow, ripping up old 3x5 cue cards, refusing girl scout cookies that would trap me in a time loop ... all good.

new work

new work

new work

new works

Law of Jante

1. You're not to think you are anything special.
2. You're not to think you are as good as we are.
3. You're not to think you are smarter than we are.
4. You're not to convince yourself that you are better than we are.
5. You're not to think you know more than we do.
6. You're not to think you are more important than we are.
7. You're not to think you are good at anything.
8. You're not to laugh at us.
9. You're not to think anyone cares about you.
10. You're not to think you can teach us anything.

current iphone safari tabs:

"Noam Chomsky: Why the Internet Hasn't Fre..."

"Pot used to be pretty harmless, but it's plent..."

"A List of Fallacious Arguments"

"Anti-intellectualism is Killing America | Psyc..."

"The 200 Best Songs of the 1980s | Pitchfork"

"Now the truth emerges: how the US fuelled t..."

"The Subtle Linguistics of Polite White Supre..."

"Why So Many Americans Defend the Failed..."

"My BigMuscle"

last night's dream:

sunset, last night at a beach house, run to grab my board to get one last surf in. when i return, waves are now coming in huge from a new direction. so big they're draining and flooding the reef repeatedly, exposing/jostling a giant clay god. then i see that the waves have even uprooted the statue of liberty - she is adrift, hitting against the reef. she becomes animated, looks at me, points at me, then at the water. get in there, tom-A-hawk.

i also dreamt i had an arguement with someone for throwing an ukulele at me.

hau'oli makahiki hou kakou!

the 'wintery' hawaiian weather (rain, wind, cool temps) has sparked that old creative impulse i get when i spend time indoors feeling cozy and safe from the elements, even here in the tropics ... thinking about creativity, different ways i've kept myself creatively inspired and engaged over the years.  i've found myself in a job that could possibly end up being the last and main career of my life.  it is a potentially secure, reassuring feeling; but as a longtime believer in some form of 'alternative' culture i'm also feeling a little stifled, a little complacent - like i've stopped searching, stopped trying.  haven't played guitar in a long time.  not surfing and not working out seem to be part of it too.  i feel like i'm rapidly turning into THAT grownup.

i've made the 42-almost-43-year-old's new year's resolution to get back to the gym and back in the water; for my physical health, obviously, but also to help literally get the creative juices flowing, stir myself up.  i'm remembering that warm glow of endorphins after a workout, how it seemed to cast a golden light and balm on everything, even your thoughts.  a fleeting idea you may have dismissed in a flatter moment takes on new depth, detail, possibility.  exploring the idea brings that familiar feeling of pleasure from the internal reward system.  our bodies, our brains are supposed to work like this, on a regular basis.

so tonight i'm trying to blow on the coals of my imagination.  imagining myself physically active on a regular basis in the new year, yes, but i'm also going to try to do one or more creative things, tonight.

check out this line
 of guys on my
 grindr ... it's
 weird, yea? like
they're all the same
 guy ... or like
 they're a ghost ...

i dreamt about my ex last night. it was a variation on the dream i've had about him since the early days of our nearly 15-year relationship: i am in a social situation with him, and he does not want to be with me. this dream usually includes the detail that there is a cool/fun/sexy group that he is with, and i am not allowed to join.

yesterday tony and i were walking on kuhio looking for a cab after the beach. something drew me down that old route from the duke statue, across on uluniu and to the kuhio village. for what felt like the first time i've gone past the place since we split, i saw lights on in the studio apartment we shared, knew he was home.

next month will mark one year since he asked me not to contact him anymore.

the smell of lau'ae
in cool february rain
hawai'i winter

tom-A-hawk is at
his window, trying to coax
maunalani rain.

A post from my sister Pam on Facebook today:

"In recognizing the tragedy that was '9/11' and the sensitive feelings that surround the day AND the site itself: I can only imagine the continuing pain that exists in the lives of those who lost so much on that terrible day.  OPINION / BTW: burning Korans and protesting Islamic Centers represent the kind of simple-minded, jingoistic mentalities which incited the kind of hatred that caused 9/11 in the first place.

"We are not at war against Islam.  We are fighting to dissolve the power that terrorist organizations, many who FALSELY USE the banner of Islam to promote their own agenda, have around this world.  In this fight, we need all the allies we can get, which especially includes the overwhelming majority of the people of Islam.  They have the most power to influence their brothers and sisters to reject the extremist’s twisted views."

And I might add to this my own OPINION / BTW: The mistrust, suspicion and judgement that many Americans hold against Muslims may be part of why many Muslims, in an instinctual effort to protect themselves from persecution, remain silent to avoid becoming a target.  I think many of us in marginalized / maligned communities have been guilty of this kind of silence at one point or another in our lives, and we all have to work together to overcome it!

‎while all you leather sluts are at the folsom circuit party on saturday 9/25, tom-A-hawk will be fulfilling his 3-year dream of seeing 
dirty projectors, at 
the fillmore no less, then it's off to 
slim's for 
blowoff with big daddy bob mould ... yay!