i dreamt about my ex last night. it was a variation on the dream i've had about him since the early days of our nearly 15-year relationship: i am in a social situation with him, and he does not want to be with me. this dream usually includes the detail that there is a cool/fun/sexy group that he is with, and i am not allowed to join.

yesterday tony and i were walking on kuhio looking for a cab after the beach. something drew me down that old route from the duke statue, across on uluniu and to the kuhio village. for what felt like the first time i've gone past the place since we split, i saw lights on in the studio apartment we shared, knew he was home.

next month will mark one year since he asked me not to contact him anymore.